Two Sides, Two Realities

TLDR; Ya No - if you're removing a human from your life... read it all.

It all; There's always at least two sides to every ending. Be it the ending of a business partnership, quitting a job/team, liberating (firing) an employee/teammate, or even (especially?) the ending of a personal relationship. And if you want to have a remotely successful and mature conclusion, you need to start with two simple questions:

Who initiated it?
Who got hit with it?

Because those are two completely different emotional universes.

And you need to take time to consider your own place in the equation, but also the other sides.

If you’re the one receiving the news…

It almost always feels like it came out of nowhere.
It feels like an overreaction, a misunderstanding, or a meltdown that doesn’t match the moment.
You’re shocked, gutted, scrambling for footing.
Your emotional experience is panic, confusion, disbelief, and a desperate attempt to rewind the tape.

And if you want language to put around what you’re actually feeling, here are 10 truths for the one who got hit with it:

1. It will feel like it came out of nowhere — Even if the signs were there, your brain will insist this is sudden.

2. Your first reaction will be disbelief — You’ll try to negotiate, rewind, or fix something that’s already over.

3. You’ll think it’s an overreaction — It won’t make sense that someone would toss a'all of this' over what feels fixable.

4. You’ll question your own memory — You’ll replay every argument, every month, every moment for clues you missed.

5. You’ll feel blindsided and betrayed — Even if the relationship was rough, you didn’t expect this.

6. Your emotions will hit like a tidal wave — Panic, grief, rage, shame… they come fast and overlap.

7. You’ll want to prove them wrong — About you, about themselves, about the decision - this urge is instinctive.

8. You’ll cling to hope too long — Most people in this position take weeks, months, or even years to accept the finality.

9. You’ll feel like the villain and the victim at the same time — The duality is confusing, but normal.

10. You’ll eventually realize this wasn’t sudden at all — Shock fades, patterns emerge, hindsight becomes brutal but clarifying.

If you’re the one delivering the news…

You genuinely cannot understand how the other person didn’t see this coming.
To you, it’s been brewing and clearly a thing that was going to happen for weeks, months, or in many cases - years.
The signs were obvious.
The conversations were had.
The warnings were given. Sometimes clearly, sometimes clumsily, but undeniably delivered.
You’re not shocked; you’re exhausted.
You’re not confused; you’re done.

And here are 10 truths for the one who pulled the pin:

1. You’ll feel misunderstood from the start — You won’t believe they’re shocked, because you haven’t been happy in years.

2. You’ve already grieved the marriage — Your emotional breakup happened long before the legal one.

3. You think you’ve made yourself clear — You believe you talked, signalled, warned… even if you never actually said the words.

4. You’ll feel guilty but strangely relieved — Guilt for hurting them, relief for finally saying what you’ve known.

5. You’ll be frustrated by their shock — You’ll think, 'How are you just noticing now?'

6. You’ll underestimate their emotional collapse — You’ve had time to prepare; they haven’t.

7. You’ll want to fast-forward the messy parts — But you can’t; they need to catch up emotionally before anything moves.

8. You’ll second-guess yourself at unexpected moments — Not because you want back in, but because endings are heavy.

9. You’ll feel pressure to be the ‘strong one’ — Even though you’re just as tired, just as scared, and just as unsure.

10. You’ll realize clarity doesn’t equal cleanliness — Even the right decision leaves debris, fallout, and emotional shrapnel on both sides.

And here’s the kicker:

99% of the time, both people believe their perspective is the only “real” one.

That mismatch, this gap, between shock and inevitability is where the chaos lives.
It’s where communication breaks, tempers flare, and dignity is lost.

If we understood this dual reality from the start, we’d navigate these conversations, these moments in time, with far more self-control, empathy, and clarity.

Because going scorched earth as a reaction, or as a reaction to a reaction, is almost always the worst plan.

Pause.
Be considerate.
Allow room for a reaction.
Listen.

And most of all: be kind.

In the long run, consistent kindness wins.

Every.
Single.
Time.

DW